On the Seventh Day of Christmas

...Jessie gave to you,
Seven soldiers
Six packs of longlife milk
Five golden bullets,
Four calling devices
Three french rifles,
Two crazy zombie fighters,
And a warning that human kind will soon be through.

(and an apology for failing to keep up with this)

On the Third Day of Christmas

...Jessie gave to you,
Three french rifles,
Two crazy zombie fighters,
And a warning that human kind will soon be through.

On the Second Day of Christmas...

...Jessie gives to you,
Two crazy zombie fighters
And a warning that human kind will soon be through.

On the First Day of Christmas...

...Jessie's giving to you,
A warning that human kind will soon be through.

End of the World (21st December)

Some say that the Mayans knew when the end of the world would be, some say they couldn't be bothered to create the calender past the 21st because you have to stop at some point. Personally I think it's because they knew that people wouldn't care about calenders when they had a lot on there minds, including FIGHTING ZOMBIES. 

I found this on Wikipedia: 'A New Age interpretation of this transition is that the date marks the start of time in which Earth and its inhabitants may undergo a physical or spiritual transformation, and that 21 December 2012 may mark the beginning of a new era.' This clearly means the zombie apocalypse. 

So I've devised a list, for those of us who are care about surviving, of 21 things to remember: 

1) Supplies, make getting food a priority

2) Low profile, don't use a gun in a wood, you'll be attracting zombies like bees to honey

3) High sights, if you stay up high you can keep an eye on your surroundings and it will make you harder to get to 

4) Strangers can be as dangerous as stray zombies, beware

5) Don't sacrifice yourself for anyone who wouldn't do the same for you, know who your friends are

6) Counsel each other, what you see and do in these dark days cannot be kept to yourself unless you want to go mad

7) Rations, over eating is bad for you anyway and now is not the best time for comfort eating - even if it feels like it is

8) Carbs are good now, but so's fruit and veg, don't skimp on the greens as you'll need to regenerate your cells. Also scurvy doesn't sound like much fun.

9) Keep a diary, if you die then you'll have a legacy, something to leave behind - also somewhere that you can vent

10) Music, if you get to somewhere where you are completely safe then music is brilliant for taking your mind off things, especially when combined with friends and maybe alcohol

11) Alcohol should only be consumed in the case of extreme pain or safety with appointed sober people

12) Washing - now isn't the time for water dodging, you need to stay sanitary in case you sustain an injury and if you get any sort of blood, zombie or human on you, get that shit off as soon as you can 

13) Comply with traditions, Christmas, Easter and other holidays wont be the same but everyone loves them and they will at least give your days some direction

14) Be picky, make sure everything you eat is very sanitary 

15) Talking of sanitary... sorry girls but you will still get your periods

16) Shed the crap, don't carry around anything that can't help save your life

17) Play games, anything to take your mind off your day and how awful that was

18) Re-evaluate what's important in your life, if you're going to loose all your friends, worldly possessions and family you really should get something out of this 

19) Don't get pregnant, for God's (and your own) sake! If you're a huge ho and you know you are take some condoms with you on your travels

20) Treats, get yourself little treats as you go, nick a Pandora bracelet if it takes your fancy - not like the store owner will care, he'll be long dead or a zombie

21) Cars, I'm sure you can work out how to drive if you haven't already got a license, you wont need one in the apocalypse will you? This IS a good way to get around, safe, fast, takes little energy. 

So bare these things in mind as it approaches the 21st and stay safe if the zombies do come. Which they will. I'm right.