Weapons

Soooo...

How are you finding the lead up to the apocalypse? Tense? Yeah, me too. So today I thought I’ll tell you about what to, and what not to use as a weapon, and I mean household objects, not proper weapons – because as much as we don’t want to face up to the fact that we won’t have any guns or anything.

So here is a list of things that you can use:

·         Cricket bat (dah – in fact, you should keep one near your bed, if there’s something you need to learn from me it’s that you never know when the zombies are coming)

·         Marble chopping boards (I know it sounds stupid but I have one and I’m thinking it could be really helpful to bash a zombie over the head with)

·         Any sort of walking stick or wooden post

·         Blunt objects, if you were really desperate and you were just in your house anything could work with enough force, chairs, lamps, vases, picture frames, fat old books, computer monitors – i think you get my point

Here’s a list of weapons to avoid trying to use:

·         Knives (it’s very close contact and by the time you drive it through their skull you’ll probably have been bitten)

·         Soft stuff (that’s not going to kill a zombie)

So I was also thinking, what would you do if you were on a train and the zombies come? I have to say I’ve thought about this many many times, because when you’re on a train and it stops randomly (not at a station) it feels to me like they’re letting on the zombies or that the train has been stopped because the train driver has been turned into a zombie and can’t drive anymore (zombies can’t drive trains) or if someone looks really ill on the train and then you’re like ‘OMG they’re going to turn’.  Well have you thought about what you’d use to fight them off? How you’d get off the train? There aren’t many available weapons on a train because they have health and safety regulations, if they bins are loose you might be able to use them to block the zombies but it wouldn’t kill them. So you may have to consider what you have on your person.

When I was younger I used to carry around a Nutella jar in the winter because when I walked home from the bus stop it was dark and I was scared of rapists, I knew that I could hit them round the head with the heavy jar if I needed to. (Also I was a bit of a fatty and I used to eat the Nutella out of the jar, I then got bored of Nutella and moved onto Gale’s Lemon Curd and eventually stopped because they changed the recipe and it wasn’t very nice anymore.)

Something like this might be helpful in the apocalypse but I understand that carrying around Nutella isn’t always practical, so consider what you carry round every day. My laptop has a battery which I can easily remove  and use to whack a zombie’s head with, it’s not ideal because it’s fairly light but it’s quite blunt and so will be good as a short term weapon until I find something better.

Consider what you carry around with you every day, have you got something that you could use? Is there something that you could easily replace with something heavier or blunter that use could use to fight zombies? Just something to think about.

No I’m not going too far! How dare you think that...

Until next time my beauties and don’t forget, Nut Up or Shut Up <3