How to Identify a Zombie

Hey children,

Hoping you haven’t run into any zombies recently, that would be unfortunate. So today I think it would be helpful if you were to learn what zombies are like, I’m pretty sure that you all have seen a zombie film, but now I’m going to be a nerd and list (from the top of my head – so if I make a mistake, I’m truly sorry) the characteristics of zombies from some zombie films

Shaun of the Dead

·         Considered to be started by GM crops but ruled out at the end

·         Zombie’s can’t run and are generally quite sedate

·         Zombie’s irises are white/grey

·         You become a zombie by being bitten

·         There is no immunity

·         Zombies eat flesh

ZombieLand

·         Contaminated gas station hot dog

·         Zombies can run and have fast reactions

·         Zombie’s irises are white/grey

·         You become a zombie by being bitten

·         There is no immunity

·         Zombies eat flesh

28 Days/Weeks Later

·         Zombies can run and have reasonably fast reactions

·         Zombie’s irises are red

·         You become a zombie by being bitten or through sharing saliva

·         There are some people who are immune to the virus (in the same family)

·         Zombies eat flesh

The Crazies (Not technically zombies)

·         ‘Zombies’ can run, but tend not to

·         ‘Zombie’s’ eyes go green

·         You become a ‘zombie’ by catching an waterborne virus

·         Immunity is not specifically recognised

·         ‘Zombies’ don’t eat people, they just kill them

Dead Set

·         Zombies can run and have reasonably fast reactions

·         Zombie’s irises are white/grey

·         You become a zombie by being bitten

·         There is no immunity

·         Zombies eat flesh

·         Disabled people who becomes zombies are just disabled zombies

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

·         Zombies can run and have reasonably fast reactions

·         Zombie’s eyes change

·         You become a zombie by being bitten

·         There is no immunity

·         Zombies eat flesh

·         When a pregnant woman is bitten the baby is born a zombie

If these are wrong then I am very sorry but I’m dyslexic so what are you going to do about it?

Although now you have this information, what are you going to do about it? Well I don’t know what the zombies are going to look like but being me, I think I have a pretty good idea. So here are my pointers of what to look out for:

·         Changed eye

·         Speech replaced with groans

·         Flesh wounds

·         Animal like instincts and behaviour

·         Hunger for flesh

·         Pale skin

·         Inability to walk

Very basic ways to defeat a zombie:

·         Chop off the head

·         Shoot in it in brain

·         Impale it’s head on a sharp object

·         Hit it over the head with a blunt object

I hope I’ve helped you and if I’ve raised any questions feel free to ask :)

Remember my children – Nut up or Shut up <3