Knowing What to and What Not to Eat & Drink

Evening Minions,

Hoping you’re all okay, by okay I mean human... Obviously, anything other than that (a.k.a zombie)... that’s not okay. If you’re a vampire, werewolf or fairy that’s not okay, because they don’t exist. Obviously. Now children, I hope you’ve been eating well and healthily, unlike me. I like Maccy Ds too much... (In case anyone ever wants to buy me some, Large Chicken Legend Meal please, with coke)  Anyway, this advice-filled-article is about what to and what not to eat and drink, in the case of an apocalypse – obviously, I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. (I am.)

Here is a list of foods you can eat:

·         Canned/Tinned foods (because they last and probably where grown and tinned before the zombie outbreak)

·         Dried foods (because they last and probably where grown & dried before the zombie outbreak)

·         Fresh soup in cartons or plastic containers (for the similar reasons to above)

·         Cup-a-soup & Pot Noodle made with boiled water – boil it twice, then again. Be on the safe side. (Even though cup-a-soup and pot noodles are totally grim)

·         Ice cream

·         Chocolate bars

·         Chocolate/banana/strawberry milk powder (and the milk but that won’t be around for long, you might even want to avoid milk because it could have been one of the ways which the virus spread, but I live on milk so I think I’ll risk it)

·         Home grown fruit & vegetables (instructions and precautions for this are coming soon)

·         Homemade bread

·         Dried pasta & rice

Here is a list of drinks you can... drink:

·         Water (bottled or distilled, preferably distilled – but the process isn’t easy at all)

·          Anything bottled or canned, especially energy drinks but not alcohol (you may want to have some fun or forget the zombies but when you’re drunk and everything seems like a good idea you’ll probably go for a stroll and get eaten) but old wine is good because of being bottled before the apocalypse so won’t be infected with the virus

·         Rain water – if you want to, maybe as a last resort

Here’s a list of things you should not eat or drink:

·         BLOOD, unless you’re a zombie then go ahead, you want some liquid with your rotting flesh.

·         Human flesh, unless you’re a zombie again. SCUMBAGS.

·         Water from a river, lake or reservoir unless you’ve distilled it, there could be a zombie floating upstream, leaking it’s blood into the water you’re drinking because you know what would happen? You’d become a zombie. Or if the virus was in the water, you’d become a zombie. Or you could get something else that would make you generally ill and less able to fight off the zombies competing for your flesh.

·         Fresh fruit and vegetables from a shop or someone else’s garden because if the virus was in the water there’s a good chance it’ll be in those fruit and vegetables. Jus’ sayin’.

Literally Zomnomnom.

So, that’s all from me today but if the zombies come before I next post, good like and don’t forget: Nut up or Shut up <3